The Future and the Past with a Present God

 Something hit me pretty strong last night: what if all the time I used thinking about yesterday, tomorrow, and seven years from now was suddenly open. That would leave a whole lot of time for right-now head space. 

"Come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you (Young, 2004)."

My deepest desire, when I am truthful with my soul, is to join God wherever he is. Abide in Him. Worship Him. If I live out of the present more, I'll be in God more. Sounds like a win-win. 

Two things I've never really been "good" at, and avoided as much as I could day-to-day:

Prayer

True Worship

Truthfully, I've always enjoyed praise and worship time at church, because it is so good to remember and remind myself of all they things God is, and all the things God can do. True worship, though, seemed so hard to get into, I worry I'm not genuine, I get distracted easier than a two year old in a new playroom; "the singer is too loud, look she is wearing heels, his hair is really trendy, why does it have to be so trendy, why do they all look coordinated, who is here today, what is everyone else doing, what do I have to do as soon as I get home, gosh I'm cold, I hope John is okay, wow I miss Bubby, that little kid reminds me of him and now I want to cry, I'm missing out on my family's life, oh is the song over now?"
Something's a little different. At World Mandate it seemed to be all about worshiping God, and the whole posture of my heart changed. I was able to let go, realize that I feel at home with God, and that I really, really, really want to worship Him in whatever way I can because all I want is Him. I still get distracted easily, but God is bigger than that!

Prayer. Most of my older years prayer has scared me just a little. I could journal to God every other day, but I couldn't pray aloud, or so I though. Recently, though, I just keep seeing the power of prayer in my life and walk with Him, as well as in the life of my family, and I just want more! There have been a few times I've been able to pray aloud and nobody laughed, no lightning fell, and all awkward moments were just okay. I hope that I can continue learning about growing in prayer.

These are just some random things going on right now, and I'm taking a break from memorizing my Chinese characters for the ever-present vocabulary quiz tomorrow (only 17 words left!!!!). I was also able to meet with the Hope for The Nations director and his wife for dinner last night, and talk about my Asia desire. God keeps telling me just to focus on the next step not the end result. I could be in the states of a year or two after I graduate in the school and end up with a team from another community in the country I want to go to. In a way I am not worried about staying for another year or two as anxious as I am to get there, because I will be able to get a job with the OAG or maybe the OOG in Austin.